Dr. D's Rules

Media rules
#1: Lies and misinformation don't count as opinions.
#2: Opinion doesn't count as news.
#3: Yelling does not make a lie true, or an opinion valid.
#4: Any company that ruins a Beatles song to sell a product should be forced out of the market by consumers.

Ballooning Hoaxes

In the wake of the "Balloon Boy" hoax, an avalanche of other conscientious citizens are coming forward to admit hoaxes. I will be preparing my balloon to launch with all of these hoaxes aboard.

The parents of the boy band Hanson, which took the country by storm in 1997 with the hit song "Mmmbop", have come forward to admit that their sons were part of an elaborate hoax and really had nothing to do with rock and roll. The spirit of Ricky Nelson has been trying to communicate a similar message regarding Matthew and Gunnar.

The father of Ashley Simpson has admitted to officials in Louisiana that Ashley was a complete hoax.

Al Davis has admitted under oath in Oakland County Court that the Raiders are one of the biggest hoaxes ever.

Tristar Pictures has eagerly reported that the 1984 flop Meatballs Part II was a transparent hoax.

Arista Records has come forward in a press release, stating that "though she has recorded a plethora of albums, Avril Lavigne is indeed, a hoax." They continue that, "Her album My happy ending is a sardonic shout out to teen angst, and has nothing to do with rumors of difficulty achieving orgasm."

And, in a joint announcement from both houses of congress and the White House, delivered on the steps of the capital today, President Obama admitted that the much-ballyhooed battle to do something--anything--tangible about the healthcare system was, "a hoax. A cruel, not funny at all, hoax." The president continued, "I'm confounded that this comes as any sort of surprise, to think, that Washington D.C. would accomplish something that would directly benefit the people of the United States. God Bless America." It is being reported that the hoax was an attempt to interest Fox in a new "reality" show called, So you think you can be a Beltway media stooge?

Today's Cheney

Today's Cheney goes to Darth himself. Hey, Dick. I would tell you to shut the hell up, but your prose is far more effective.

Go f&#@k yourself!

Healthcare extortion

Now the insurance industry says that if reform is passed, they will raise rates. Some democracy. Do what they want or else.

Who is deserving?

I'm not shilling for Obama, or questioning whether he deserved the Peace Prize here. But the question, rather the statement, that he did not deserve the prize has raised questions in my mind. Who has deserved what they got?

Did G.W. Bush deserve to get into Yale?

Does Tyler Perry deserve to be making movies?

Did George Tenet deserve the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

Do AIG or any bank CEOs deserve their bonuses?

Does Sarah Palin deserve her celebrity?

For that matter does Levi Johnston deserve celebrity status? Is he Jewish? Just wondering.

Did Tom Delay deserve to get on Dancing with the Stars? Instead of dancing with his cell-mate? But I digress.

Did "Joe the Plummer" deserve celebrity or any part in our discourse?

Do Jon and Kate deserve anything but a one-way ticket back to obscurity?

There are many more that are also infrequently asked. Your answer is based on a particular point of view, just as the Peace Prize was given based on the point of view of a handful of Swedes who see Obama and the world far differently than we do. Since the answers are subjective, I'm not saying there's one correct response. But in our society it appears that deserving what one gets is hardly objective or consistent, and the question is typically rhetorical and raised as an indictment.

Nobel Prize! OMG!

I'm sick of it. All of a sudden you care about the friggin Peace Prize? You say that it denigrates the award. Because you loved and respected it before, I'm sure. Like when Jimmy Carter won it? When Shimon Peres, Yitzhak Rabin and Yasir Arafat won it? When the International Panel on Climate Change and Al Gore won it? When Kofi Annan and the UN won it in 2001, because you love the UN so much? Right. Friggin right! It meant so much to you and now it just rips up your heart that Obama got it before he actually did anything. Anything except replace Bush, which is bigger than you might imagine.

I'm sure you were waiting on the edge of your seat with your list of friggin hopefuls waiting to hear who would walk the Red Carpet. Or were you watching Fox News waiting to see what kind of s#@t they would throw at him next? OK, I get it. You're sick of him. You hate hope. You love big pharma and the insurance industry. Whatever. I don't care if Obama got it or not, but we should use it for all it's worth. It may have been an acceptance of the U.S. by Europe with the exodus of Bush. It may have been because the crazy Swedes wanted Obama to succeed, which could just be something important for the rest of the friggin world! But in any case, let it go.

You can say that Bush was attacked, so it's OK to attack Obama. You can make up whatever lies and spin you want to in order to discredit the man. But you cannot deny the vitriol that has been launched, not only against President Obama, but against, oh, say anyone who criticized the Iraq invasion. Remember the Dixie Chicks? Absolutely nothing like this is happening when the teabaggers bring loaded guns to rallies. When people are calling for Obama to be killed on FaceBook. Face it. You are disrespecting our country for political gain. Cindy Sheehan was protesting the war because she lost her son in an ill-conceived invasion. Protesting policy is different from ad hominem vitriol.

I won't argue that Ronald Reagan didn't win World War II single handedly, lead the Continental Army across the Delaware, and defeat the Soviet Union at the Battle of Perestroika. Whatever. But I'm sick of it.

I'm on board

I've decided to jump on board the "No Express". I hate feeding the beast, but why not, if I can make a buck off of your demise?

It all started years ago when I was doing my Ph.D. at the University of Oregon (go Ducks!). I had a wife who hated me and getting away to do geology in my southern California field area was great relief. Driving I-5 through the long axis of the state, I listened to the radio and various residents from 1998 to 2002, and witnessed an astonishing transformation of American capitalism.

Ken Lay, a good friend of G.W. Bush, had taken over ENRON, an energy conglomerate that didn't pump oil or natural gas. They were brokers. Lay figured out that if there is a commodity that people can't live without, it is a market that should be monopolized. Brilliant. Unethical, and really selling one's soul, but capitalistic genius. So ENRON proceeded to convince the Republicans in Sacramento to sell their public utilities. Of course they complied. The new president G.W. Bush was going to usher in a new lazais fairre, deregulated, all-American, pro-corporate agenda, and the California GOP was glad to help out. The Democrats, meanwhile, tiptoed around like the seventh-grade curve-setting nerds dodging the bullies after school.

When ENRON took control of the utilities, they proceeded to cut power generation to push up the price--they did this from Houston, mind you. Then, when rolling blackouts and 300% increases in utility bills hit California, G.W. and Darth Chenney blamed the "wasteful residents," who also voted for Gore, as it turned out. This is how it went, in a nutshell. Cheney kept secret that W's good friend Ken Lay was in his meetings, developing the G.W. Bush Administration energy policy. And until the accounting fiasco took place and ENRON came crashing down--destroying the retirement nest-eggs of thousands of hard working Americans who had been employed by subsidiaries for many years--Ken Lay, a good friend of G.W. Bush, was expanding his energy empire using good ol' American capitalism. Up in Oregon, we had lots of hydroelectric and consistently cheap electricity, but even there the price went up substantially because of the ENRON impact on the West Coast grid.

It appears that though former president's friend Mr. Lay died in Aspen, and the W is back in Fort Worth, the Kenny Boy Lay--a good friend of G.W. Bush--model of American Capitalism marches on, without any concern for what is right or wrong. If there is a dollar to be made from some kid's leg braces, one should take as much as the market will bear. And if laying off the kid's mom and taking their insurance away means higher profits, so be it. And if taking her house so that a mortgage-backed security can be sold, so much the better. It's the new paradigm.

And you can sell this scam by scaring the shit out of grandma with fictional "death panels", pissing off the "values voters" by lying that the new health care bill would fund abortions and gays, and whipping up whimsical tales of debt for their grandchildren. Oh, and don't forget the racist posters and confused ideological rants describing Obama as the socialist, fascist, Marxist, jungle witch doctor Hitler, who wants to indoctrinate your kids, take away your sacred assault weapon, and send all your money to those lazy negroes who want reparations for slavery. Did I miss anything? I know you're not all racists, but you'll use it--you betcha! Just as Karl Rove used the religious right and then tossed them out like a two-bit gay prostitute teaching pastor Ted Haggard about family values and the aphrodisiac benefits of meth.

I'm on board, because I finally get Representatives Grassley, King, and Boner, my own back-stabbing Senator Ben Nelson, and the sobbing, uber-patriot Glenn Beck. People can't live without healthcare, so this monopoly is something to get in on. I no longer care about the citizens of the United States of America. I only care about ideology, power and money...your money. Show me where to sign up.

Leave it as it is

From a short speech by Teddy Roosevelt on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon:

"

Keep this great wonder of nature as it is.

Leave it as it is.

You cannot improve it.

The ages have been at work on it, and man can only mar it.

What you can do, is to keep it.

Keep it for your children, your childrens' children, and for all who come after you, as one of the great sights that every American, if they can travel at all, should see.

"