News from Nature

The African United Society of Primates convention in Kinshasa has opened, and the keystone speaker in the plenary session, Alfred, a silverback gorilla, laid out a new position on evolution. "Whereas, we do not dispute the theory of evolution, and have found ample evidence that it has occurred, we, the non-homonid primates would like to revise our position. We are against any further evolution. It may have been a positive development for many species, but the advent of the homo-sapiens has been nothing short of disastrous for us. In fact, we wish that it had never taken place. Thus, we are against any further speciation."